nth speacial blogging

i am excited that i am still alive.( choiiiii)
i sleep at early morning when the man send the newspaper,
oh....that was a horrible sleeping quality,
consider to my heath and espeacially my liver,
i should change this usage as well.

my live was not that fanstasic that what i am imagine,
i am facing many problem at this moment,
my study, my family, my friend, my stress, my love.
all plus together, its never ever make me improve.
its just make me seem like very tired for everything and evdy
i try to escape at all, i try to slp 12 hour in a day, so i just leave 12 hours,
i will stay in home alone.

Alone, lonely, thats what everybody will dislike,
i seriouly hate it currently,
but nowsdays everything is different,
i not realize whether am i change?
change from good to bad?
or change for bad to good?
Now, if u asking me whether alone or get together with anyone,
i will prefer alone,
i was lazy to facing all of them,
i dunno whather i can't facing u all or i cant facing myself,
or maybe.......its just because i am lazy?

if u asking me, who r the important between family, friend, lover, money or study?
i realize 4 of the will cant without my life.
how about now i will never choose these?
i will choose myself 1st.
i felt that i have to love myself more,
do something what i love to do and go some where i reverie to go,
at least, go a right way and choose a right thing , to do it.
i am understanding why all of these person who around me will reject what i thinking,
because i had really make a wrong decision,
turn back was a worst and selfish decision for my parents
because i am wasting their money and they really get it very hard,
i really understand i can't blame everybody cuz they not undertanding me
cuz i also can't forgive myself why i got the such opinion,
this is mine responsibility, i can only just blame myself.
but i fierceness wishing to absquatulate from this hell.
Eventhough i know that was IMPOSSIBLE.